What have I done……

As many know I’ve had some issues with my living situation. A resident/good acquaintance helped shed some light on what I did wrong. I grew up in a white, middle class, Lutheran ministers daughter, in a very white middle class town in Nebraska. Human values, respect and love for your neighbor with a foundation of Christian values was my up bringing. It also brought a lot of attention to the ministers family and created a limelight so to speak, always in public view, being critiqued, judged. Rumors flew all the time. I think this is one reason why I love my own space, my quiet time, my solitude.

When I got that call that day that I had housing I just never gave things a second thought, I had housing was the only really important thing I was celebrating. Where it was located didn’t really seem to matter, it was housing. Head spinning and thanks being given it was move in time. I was so happy that I’d made it through, we’d all made it through now. Where was this place really located? Not really knowing anything about Nashville except where the Contributor office was filled my small sense of adventure but, I’d save that for another day. I had housing. Okay let me also add that I’d never really lived around people who didn’t like dogs, and if I did they never said a word. I tried everything I could think of to coexist with those who didn’t like dogs. The office stepped in with some great suggestions that really worked for a time, until it didn’t.

Sarcasm is my of responding to what I think is a pretty stupid question or comment and there was plenty of material around here. I didn’t realize where I had moved so I was just being what I thought was me. A positive attitude, a good morning smile and to what I thought were people trying to get to know me and that’s what I get for thinking. Then the pandemic hit and everyone retreated into their apartments. Ah alone at last, just me and Faith. A good friend with the Contributor taught me how to shop online, oh YEAH! That was so made for me. For a small see they’d bring you anything providing you wore a mask and stayed the acceptable 6 feet apart. I didn’t have to go anywhere. I could stay in the apartment I love so much and stand at the curb and groceries would arrive. I soon learned the same thing worked for Amazon.com. This was it. Financially I was good with unemployment, I could pay the rent and survive plus the extra SNAP benefits I could eat better. All good things must come to an end and so did unemployment. I made it last as long as I could and then one day this lady from Social Security called and said I’d been approved. I was living the dream. I had shelter, and some financial security or at least I could pay rent. Then back payments came in and each payment had to be gone or they’d count it against me. Time to pay it forward and did I ever, still not realizing where I was living and now residents were watching.

Like in everyone’s life it was a real rollercoaster living here. Attitudes were good and bad, intimidation and bulling were the normal until the attitudes changed and then it was good again. Up and down and with each time it would go farther down. What was I doing to cause such hatred? 2 days ago I found out. This acquaintance from the building said to me “Don’t you know where you’re living? It’s the projects, the hood.” I knew there were problems here but, never thought of it as the “hood”. I looked at it that I resided in a mixed income apartment building owned by MDHA. From day one I’ve never thought of my apartment a part of the projects. It’s been affordable housing and so much more. I’m not sure how to fix the rumors, the judgements, the hate. I do know that I’ll keep searching for a place back home in Hermitage. Like Dory says “Just keep swimming.”

2 thoughts on “What have I done……

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